Redneck Rules for Dating - Ya Can't Make This Stuff Up

This here sign really is posted at a store I visited. Makes a body wonder if someone had some of the Bud before making the sign.

I grew up in the South, but I still find some of the customs confusing. The most recent I considered was male courtship patterns. Seems some of the guys have it figured out - or not. Cross my heart. I did not make these up. I'm creative - but not to this extent.

Redneck Dating Rule 1 - Wear Your Work Uniform When You Go Out Looking for a Date

I had to ask my brother about this one. He said that some of the guys he hires to do landscaping wear uniforms out. I do not mean uniforms like military or police uniforms. I mean the ones with your name in a circle over stripes or even your Wendy's hamburger shirt.

My brother said that the guys say these work uniforms say, "I have a job." Girls like that.

Redneck Dating Rule 2 - Don't Spend Any Money on a Girl

The guy who told me this one said that other guys will buy the drinks. You just sit there. By the end of the night, the girl doesn't even remember who bought the drinks anyway. The guy buying is probably sloshed too. That's when you make your move. This is a freebie, unless she gets pregnant. Then, you have to marry her or pay child support. Then, the plan is not so grand.

Redneck Dating Rule 3 - Always Go to Her House - Never to Your House

The way this one was explained was that if you bring a girl home, then you are stuck having to be nice the next morning. She may want to stay a while or forever. If you go to her house, you can make up some excuse about having to work or do something. You have an "out."

Redneck Dating Rule 4 - Get a Cell Phone - and Learn to Use It

Everyone knows that cell phones can go wacky. If you don't like how the conversation is going, start saying, "Huh? What? I can't hear you. Are you there?" Press the button to hang up. Swear later that you ran outside the cell zone.

Redneck Dating Rule 5 - If You Don't Want to Pay for Heating Oil

Times are tough. If you are out of money for heating oil or food or such or if you need some dental work, then don't pay child support. Do the right thing and go turn yourself in. If you time this right, you can weather the cold months in county. You get a bed, three squares, unlimited TV and weight room time, and you can rest up for another round of womanizing come spring.

Well, shut my mouth. I probably should not tell everything I hear. But, those rules were just too good to keep to myself. I did do the guys a favor and did not post photos other than my favorite generic shot from the quick stop. I hate to derail someone's dating life. On the other hand, I'm not dating. If you wonder why, just review these interesting rules I've heard around these parts.